Weddings...
Tom and I spent last Thursday attending our cousin's wedding. Mike and Bee are absolutely adorable and really amazing people to boot.
But here's the rub, getting together with family in a formal setting, where there are pretty decorations and fancy food can also be incredibly stressful. It seems that no matter the family, no matter how awesome everything is, or how together the system is something always goes wrong (this is a totally normal occurrence with any human endeavor, no?). A dress won't quite fit right (which totally happened to me, my mom had to add stuff to my dress at the last minute to cover my garments), some family member will be late or insensitive about something, a decoration will fall and break (this happened at another cousin's wedding earlier this summer, luckily it was the night before during set-up so there wasn't any food or people hurt in the process), or any number of other things. While we anticipate and accept things going array when we plan things there seems to be a special sensitivity when it is a wedding. We have this cultural ideal of what a wedding should be, that we have reached a point where we don't allow for the inevitable into our collective expectation for this event. I think that as a culture we need to shift our focus to the legal act of marriage, that way the party is all bonus and the pressure for perfection isn't there.
I thought that the wedding and the reception were lovely, I just wish that culturally the bride and groom could sit back and enjoy them as much as the guests. This should be a day for them, so wouldn't it be great if the focus was on the marriage part and not the wedding? That way they could just enjoy the party with the rest of us.
Anyways, I had a great time and Bee was radiant, Mike was handsome, and the company was fantastic. The wedding service was beautiful and to the point. The reception had great food and good music. My hope is that Mike and Bee can have a joyful marriage and that with each day they grow closer together and remember fondly the good and place the negative into proper perspective.
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PS. I fully endorse elopement or small ceremonies with the JP and a party at a later date that is less formal and easier to enjoy.
Bee and Mike cutting the cake.
It was a lovely gathering and there were so many people that came out to show their love and support for them. Tom was one of the groom's men and I was a bride's maid. It was really awesome to be included that way and I felt very honored to be included by Bee in that way. The colors were red and white and so all the bride's maids were in red dresses (we got to the pick the style, which is awesome, because we can all wear them again now) and the groom's men were in black slacks, black vests, and red ties. We already had the slacks and tie so we went out and got Tom a vest (I'll have to get a good picture of him in it to share because he looks pretty darn awesome).
A few thoughts on the "wedding" part of getting married. Don't get me wrong, being married is great and I encourage people to enter the blessed state. However, sometimes weddings can be a little overwhelming because of our collective expectations. But first, here are some of the good things about weddings:
They can bring families together.
It is a great way to meet new people.
The bride and groom get to dress up in all their nice things and do stuff they might not normally do (like dance formally).
And there is normally awesome dessert (which is even better when made by my Aunt Shirline).
But here's the rub, getting together with family in a formal setting, where there are pretty decorations and fancy food can also be incredibly stressful. It seems that no matter the family, no matter how awesome everything is, or how together the system is something always goes wrong (this is a totally normal occurrence with any human endeavor, no?). A dress won't quite fit right (which totally happened to me, my mom had to add stuff to my dress at the last minute to cover my garments), some family member will be late or insensitive about something, a decoration will fall and break (this happened at another cousin's wedding earlier this summer, luckily it was the night before during set-up so there wasn't any food or people hurt in the process), or any number of other things. While we anticipate and accept things going array when we plan things there seems to be a special sensitivity when it is a wedding. We have this cultural ideal of what a wedding should be, that we have reached a point where we don't allow for the inevitable into our collective expectation for this event. I think that as a culture we need to shift our focus to the legal act of marriage, that way the party is all bonus and the pressure for perfection isn't there.
I thought that the wedding and the reception were lovely, I just wish that culturally the bride and groom could sit back and enjoy them as much as the guests. This should be a day for them, so wouldn't it be great if the focus was on the marriage part and not the wedding? That way they could just enjoy the party with the rest of us.
Anyways, I had a great time and Bee was radiant, Mike was handsome, and the company was fantastic. The wedding service was beautiful and to the point. The reception had great food and good music. My hope is that Mike and Bee can have a joyful marriage and that with each day they grow closer together and remember fondly the good and place the negative into proper perspective.
...
...
PS. I fully endorse elopement or small ceremonies with the JP and a party at a later date that is less formal and easier to enjoy.
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